A little exercise in editing
Nick slammed the door. He was already late. Janet wouldn't be happy. It was his weekend with the kids and he wanted to make the most of it. Most weekends he took them to the zoo. It was clear however that Jemima and Dunstable were bored looking at the penguins falling over.
"This is the coolest thing ever dad"
said Dunstable
Nick climbed into the front seat and slammed the door, lifted the
seatbelt ready to start the journey, only to find it stuck in the bottom of the
door. The day had got off to a great start. He was already late. Janet wouldn't
be happy, but neither was he. It was his weekend with the kids and he wanted to
make the most of his time with them. Most weekends he took them to the zoo. It
was clear however that Jemima and Dunstable were bored looking at the penguins
falling over.
He knew his lateness would infuriate
their mother and it would be a good hour before they would relax and speak to
him. He thought about giving them drinks with a large sugar content but feared
the ear bashing he would get if ever she found out.
He screeched to a halt outside
a neat row of semi-detached houses. Janet had moved in with a banker from the
city shortly after she left him taking everything he loved with her. He was
however on time but could sense the twitching of curtains down the street.
Dunstable and Jemima both got in the car with glum expressions.
"So, to the zoo then is it
sir and Ma’am?" Nick said trying to inject some humour. Jemima let out a
groan as if to say not again dad. "Ok then how about somewhere
different?" This elicited the response he was hoping for. Dunstable
started shouting out random places they could go. Jemima just wanted to go
somewhere where there were horses or ponies.
The children sighed every time
they went past a sign for an interesting place. When they pulled up to the
battle of Bosworth visitor centre their faces lit up. There were men in suits
of armour and on horses. Dunstable told Nick that is was the coolest thing
ever.
After writing a story of
around 300 words the next part of the exercise was to cut 100 of those words.
Nick slammed the door. He was already late. Janet wouldn't be happy. It was his weekend with the kids and he wanted to make the most of it. Most weekends he took them to the zoo. It was clear however that Jemima and Dunstable were bored looking at the penguins falling over.
He knew his lateness would
infuriate their mother and it would be a good hour before they would relax.
He screeched to a halt outside
of a row of semi-detached houses. Janet had moved in with a banker from the
city shortly after she left him, taking everything, he loved with her. The
children bot sat in the car with glum expressions.
When they pulled up at the
battle of Bosworth visitor centre their faces lit up. There men in armour sat
on horses.
